Merry Meet all my Sisters, Brothers and Loved Ones,

I share my story here in hopes that it may comfort you in knowing you're not alone and maybe even give you courage to fight for better care for yourself. For loved ones, so you may have an idea of some of the frustrations and trauma that happens to us Endo Sufferers. Ultimately my goal with this site, is to raise awareness, in hopes that the "Medical Board/Staff/Society" will be forced to have to put more time, money and energy into finding a cure and quit giving us Band-Aids, which 9 out of 10 times leaves us more health problems than we started with and still in so much pain!

In my mid to late teens I experienced bad cramping during my periods. I never thought much of it since it seem to be par for the course; I believed in the myths that it was normal. In my early twenties the cramping got worst and I occasionally experienced sharp pains in my ovarian area, again I ignored it assuming I was just ovulating and it's part of being a woman.

In 1992 I decided to get Noroplant Implants for birth control reasons. Norplant was great for awhile, no periods, no pills to have to remember to take and the ovarian pain seemed minimal. In 1995 I started having bad side effects from Noroplant. I bled continuously and become anemic and very fatigued. March 1995, I finally had them removed. Shortly after removal of the Noroplant, I noticed the pain in my ovarian regions more frequently, sporadically throughout the month. The pain went from a throbbing-sharp pressure feel to stabbing pains that would double me over.

A friend of mine convinced me to go see a doctor, as the pain progressed every month. After 3 horrible experiences, with separate doctors and separate diagnosis (each dr. figured I had a cyst, but all three said they were in different locations), I decided to just deal with the pain. I did not want to go through anymore guinea pig routines of being poked, examined or asked "Does this hurt?" (I always want to kick the doctor where it hurts and ask him if that hurts!). My faith in the medical profession waned and I continued to cope the best I could.

In late 1996 the pain began to interfere with my life. Having a new medical plan (Blue Shield HMO/PPO, ugh!), I decided to try doctors again. Again more tests and no definitive answers or solutions. I sought out more doctors until my PCP referred me to an endometriosis specialist; Dr Doron Blumenfeld (QUACK!!).

May 30, 1997, the pain in my pelvic area had progressed to the point were I could not walk without feeling like someone stuck a spear from the bottom of my left foot up to my left ovary; stabbing, burning pain, it hurt to walk. I called my doctor and he told me to go to the emergency room immediately.

ER had no idea what was wrong with me other than my white cells were elevated above normal. They thought I had Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, so they did tests for that, as well as for STDs. Hours later, with negative test results, they sent me on my merry way.

With my doctor baffled, he finally submitted to doing a laporoscopy. Dr. Blumenfeld (QUACK), performed an exploratory laporoscopy, (was suppose to be laser-lap).

In May 1997, I had my first laporoscopy, with the understanding that if anything was found he would remove it. When I was wheeled out of surgery, I came to and pulled my charts. I saw the pictures and knew what I had suspected and feared to be true, large endometriomas, clear and red lesions were found. I saw the doctor and when I was released he informed me that I had "moderate endometriosis". I later discovered that Dr. Blumenfeld (Mr. Specialist - QUACK!!!) did not remove the disease (ALWAYS GET A COPY OF YOUR SURGICAL REPORT and keep logged records of all your treatments!!!).

Needless to say I was devastated. He wanted to put me on Lupron, but needed to wait for HMO authorization. While we waited he put me on birth control pills that contained high dosage of estrogen. Endometriosis is estrogen driven! As I waited for authorization from HMO, I began my own research on this disease and all treatment options.

My findings on the various GnRH (Gonadotropin Releasing Hormone) agonists had me scared, not to mention that there is no definitive cure for this disease. I was absolutely mortified that Dr. Doron Blumenfeld had not provided me any information on Lupron nor discussed any treatment options with me. And I'm even more disgusted that he had not removed any disease during the laporoscopy. I was thriving in pain daily and the progression of the disease worsen.

August 1997, I went to get a second opinion. The doctor took me off the birth control pills and put me on Synarel. The pain continued, he suggested I get pregnant (never mind I did not feel healthy enough or in any financial position to take care of a child, I didn't even have a boyfriend!). Needless to say, I quit seeing him right away!!!

In September 1997, a friend insisted I see her doctor, Randy S. Harris, M.D., Los Angeles, CA (Quack/Jerk). I hobbled into his office and was immediately seen. He sat and listened to me as the uncontrollable tears rolled down my face and I told him my experience with endometriosis and how the pain was debilitating my life. He listened and he seemed compassionate and caring, which I know for many of us, this is a rarity! He agreed that what Dr. Blumenfeld did was surgical rape! (It took some more physical invasions and damage before I found this doctor to be an egotistic quack too.)

October 1997, I went to surgery (Laser-Laporoscopy) with Dr. Randy S. Harris. He found Stage II - III Endometriosis. I had endometriomas, clear endo; etc., found in the cul-de-sac, pelvic wall, the disease was everywhere. My colon was attached to the utersacural ligament (which supports the uterus), causing retroverted uterus, and had scar tissue and adhesions everywhere. I was so relieved to know I was not crazy. He also confirmed that I had been suffering from this disease for a very long time.

After this surgery, with much coaxing, I submitted to trying Depo-Lupron, for 2-months of hell. My doctor said he had never experienced a patient with such severe reactions; hot flashes, severe depression, anxiety attacks, migraines, memory and concentration lost, hip pain and the pain continued. Basically, I was either suicidal or homicidal. I absolutely could not stand being in my own skin. Dr. Harris attempted Estrogen Add-Back Therapy, supplements and Prozac to help the side effects, with no avail. Finally I told the doctor, "I'd rather let this disease invade my entire body and kill me than to live with the way Lupron makes me feel". He finally agreed to take me off and put me on miconors. The progression of the disease began again 3-months after surgery.

March 1998 back to surgery (Laser-Laporoscopy) again. I had Stage II endometriosis. This time my right ovary was covered with endometriosis and more disease in my pelvic wall.

After this surgery I tried Danazol/Danocrine, more herbs, more acupuncture, Depo-Provera shots and within 3-4 months the progression of the disease and pain started all over again.

A girlfriend of mine who also suffers from endo, raves about Progesterone Crème. I've heard wonderful things about it, but have not personally tried it.

As a result of this disease, my work performance reduced tremendously, self-image/esteem went down, sexual desire decreased, personal life became little to none. At one point I gave my bosses my resignation and they told me to stay and look for a solution (God Bless them!) I spent much of my time, if not at work, curled up in front of the TV or in bed hoping the pain meds would kick in and give me some relief.

My ex-boyfriend found loving elsewhere and gave me little to no support. Although I know in the depths of my heart that it is not this disease that caused him to become the bastard and cheating jerk, I now know of him to be, not having support from him was painful. This disease not only affects the woman; it affects our partner, friends, family and careers.

By January of 1999 I finally sought other alternatives, since Dr. Randy Harris had basically given up on me, not to mention his nurse said to me "maybe it's all in your head", and I had tried all the endometriosis treatments available, they made me feel HOPELESS!! Needless to say I no longer see him.

After several appointments with different doctors and more research, I found Dr. David Redwine, Bend, OR who's information, theories and recommendations I agreed with and liked. I followed all the procedures to have my case reviewed and got a surgery date for March 4, 1999. I was also given recommendations and referrals from Dr. Redwine and endo sisters for a wonderful aftercare doctor, James E. Carter, M.D., F.A.C.O.G.

March 4, 1999 I finally had my surgery (Excision-Laporoscopy ) with Dr. Redwine. He has a great bedside manner, humorous and a confident doctor. The facility and staff at St. Charles Medical Center are heavenly (compared to any in Los Angeles, CA). Cheri, head of the Endometriosis Center, was very helpful and educated. They treat you like a human being!

What he found was stage II-III endometriosis, which were excised and removed. He felt the surgery was a success. Before I returned home to recover Dr. Redwine made sure I received a copy of my surgical and pathology reports. The aftercare nurse at his office made it very clear what my limitations were and answered all my questions. I felt well taken care of.

April 15th 1999, my post-op with Dr. James Carter, Women's Health Center in Mission Viejo, CA, was successful. He says "we can consider endometriosis a thing of the past" (Whhoooo...Hooooo!!!). He agreed by the pathology and surgical report that there was "allot of disease" and it was good that I had the surgery. The recovery time surgery is 3-6 months, so time will tell!

Not only did my exam go well, but he found that I have muscular trauma to my left lower back, which is why I've had severe lower back pain and cramping & I have SubClinical Hypothyroidism with AutoImmune Thyroiditis. Oh yeah, and IBS / Irritable Bowel Syndrome. My last doctor, Dr. Randy Harris, called is "spastic colon", except Harris failed to provide me with information to help stop the painful bloating (needless to say I have some nasty stretch marks on my belly, which is being relieved with "Palmers" Cocoa Butter) and this condition is preventable. Before my surgery with Redwine, I had called and paged Harris 4 times and he never responded to me. Harris allowed me to suffer. Oh....alternative to medication for IBS... "Ginger Chews", ginger is great for digestive problems, not to mention it's been use in China for centuries to cure various ailments! It works great, I usually find them at a local health food store or at Trader Joe's I don't use anything else to treat my IBS. The medications available often cause other side effects. Ginger chews are very effective! I've also recommended to other friends with digestive disorders and undergoing chemo therapy, they have also found this to be very effective, and most are no longer taking the medications the doctors gave them. Everyone reacts differently.

SubClinical Hypothyroidism with AutoImmune Thyroiditis, explains for my constant fatigue, memory loss, lack of concentration, hair loss, weight gain, muscle aches, intolerance to cold, and cold feet and hands. This symptom is common with Endometriosis and is often missed by doctors, because doctors look at the T4 & Free levels of the thyroid results and not how the antibodies perform. This is another disorder Harris observed, but never diagnosed or treated, just kept telling me to go see a therapist.

Myofascial Pain Syndrome (Myofascitis), this condition explains the lower back pain and cramping I have been suffering with for so long. The cause for this is due to past trauma, not to mention I've had four surgeries in that region and in tremendous amount of pain.

If you suffer from similar symptoms it may not be endometriosis, it may be severe contractions and muscle spasms in lower back and pelvis. It's amazing how many muscles we have and how one affects the other. Physical Therapy with Bonnie Cardenas's in Studio City, CA, has given me much relief and I feel confident I will be back to par in a month or so.

I encourage all women who suffer from a multitude of pain, to have an endocrine specialist; endocrinologist, evaluate you and to seek physical therapy. As some things that may seem to be endometriosis, could be a disorder related to the disease, but with curable options. My muscle spasms worsen due to lack of proper diagnosis (last doctors said, was from mild Adenomyosis or slightly tilted uterus) I've been thriving in more pain for the last several months/years unnecessarily!

Now that the endo pain is gone (let's all hope and pray) and I have a diagnoses from Dr. Carter, about my other symptoms, with some physical therapy and thyroid regulated, I should be back to my thin ole' busy living self again soon!!

For quite a while it was the regulation of pain medications that allowed me to function at all. I forced myself to have a life. And I reminded myself daily .... "Quit the dumb shit and start living". It's a day to day living and every day I have to remind myself "One Day At a Time", "Just for Today"! Some days it was all I can do to not completely give up.

I count my blessings and thank my Higher Power each day that I have a few loving friends and caring bosses who won't let me give up on my self. Who have been there to help me get up when I literally couldn't stand up. Who have carried me when I didn't think I could do it. And for all my sisters in the Witsendo Newsgroups, who have shared their experience, strength and hope with me. Oh and of course, Dr. James E. Carter, he is an excellent doctor!!

15 July 99 - Recovery is still slow. Although my endo may have been arrested, I still have other auto-immune related disorders that is often frustrating to cope with. In all my research, it would be easy to say it is as a result of treatment and misdiagnosis that cause some of my medical aggravations, however there are not enough definitive answers for endo, although most information points to auto-immune dysfunction.
I have to say though, since I was told I'm borderline Hypoglycemic, I've cut sugar, flour, carrots, beets, white rice, and all refine flour almost completely out of my diet, I'm beginning to feel better. I still have a long road to travel, but I have more hope! When I have more energy I will write more. I highly recommend getting the book "Sugar Busters!", it really helped me understand how sugars work in our bodies.

14 August 99 - I just had an MRI to rule out or confirm Adenomyosis. My periods have been extremely painful. And the menses are dark brown and filled with clots (don't mean to be gross..ick!!). If it is not Adenomyosis, it may be because I have a severely retrovereted uterus. In this case Dr. Carter will perform the UPLIFT procedure, which he and another doctor developed this technique to suspend the uterus. I've only heard great success about this procedure, so I feel positive either way my prognosis falls.

6 August 99 - MRI confirmed Adenomyosis!! :o( All my studies have shown the only definitive cure is a hysterectomy. *Sigh

I'm angry at Dr. Randy Harris for this too; he had suspected Adenomyosis in the first surgery he did on me, it's in my surgical report. All the time, wasted money, treatments, irreversible side-effects and anguish and he allowed me to think at the end that it was in my head and tried to convince me that it was all psychological and that I needed to see a therapist. Dr. Harris also told my boss that he felt I was a drug addict, because of the amount of painkillers I was on. Can you believe this???!!!! I took the pain killers as directed and many times demanded non-narcotic painkillers, and he had the gulls to tell my boss, that I'm an addict!!! What happened to ethics??? Must have went out the door when I told him I was going to see Redwine, because Harris didn't even have the decency to tell me he could treat me. Actually the jerk wanted to try Excision surgery on me! I told him no way was I going to be his guinea pig!!! Ughhh.. he makes me sick! At least my boss knew better and asked him that if I was so hooked on drugs, how was it that I was able to go to work everyday?!

11 August 99 -I've made the hardest decision of my life, after through research and consideration. I will be having a Laparoscopic Supracervical Hysterectomy on September 25th. I will still retain my ovaries, so when the time comes I can opt for a surrogate mother to carry my child (this is very good news). The waiting is making me nuts. I will write more later, right now these cramps are killing me!

22 August 99 - As the day nears for my surgery, I know in my heart that my decision to have a hysterectomy is the right one, as the quality of life for me has already been grossly altered. However, accepting the fact that I'll never be able to bear my own child is and will be a long process of acceptance and allot of tears. I do my best daily to focus on the bright side, i.e.; no more pain, will be able to participate in events with friends, work efficiently and effectively and participate in life, like a normal young woman.

This disease has turned my world upside down. Currently I have put school on hold. My dream to go back to school and get a degree in art and pursue computer graphics will have to wait till I can financially afford it and commit to attending the classes on a regular basis without the worry that I'll be over fatigued from pain. Many so-called "friends" no longer call to invite me out, many of their invitations have been met with "sorry, I'm not feeling well". My boyfriend has been wonderful and most comforting through times when I have not been able to be intimate, because I am so shamed and guilted by my broken body.

I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a day at a time. I have hope and faith. I just have to get through life a day at a time, do the footwork and leave the results to a loving, compassionate, Higher Power who I know will lead me in the right direction.

30 September 99 - Surgery was a success. I'm not use to being laid up for so long, however it is very needed. I feel good about the surgery. Doc said removal of the uterus was necessary because it was very diseased. Redwine's work on endometriosis was very good, since very little reoccurrence of endo was found, which Dr. James Carter cauterized. Now I just need to get through this recovery and I'll be able to get my life back on track.

A couple of my stitches are not healing as fast as we'd hoped, but it should be okay. More vitamin C and E should help the healing process.

13 October 99 - Couple weeks post-op now. I'm learning that I need to quit down playing my recovery process. A hysterectomy is a major procedure, not only to our body, also emotional and mental. I attempted to go into the office today, but ever time I got up, I got dizzy and the surgical pain was up a notch. Seems I over did it the last couple days at work (went back 3 days ago). I've been plenty warned by my doctor as well as all my hyster-sisters. It's a 6-week recovery and even after that it's still takes at least another month and a half to get back to feeling normal. Also, being this is my 5th surgery in 3-years my body has gone through tremendous shock and trauma. I have to remember to take it real easy!

1 January 2000 - HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL! I pray this will be a year of healing & love for all who has trudged this journey.

I just want to share of all my endo-sisters on an issue that plagues so many of us; weight gain! After cutting out most sugars and carbs out of my diet, eating healthier and following some of the suggestions outlined in the book "Sugar Busters!", I've lost all the weight and then some, I had gained from all the treatments, hypothyroidism and hypoglycemia! It's amazing, for the longest time, I wore a size 9 (29 inches), then I went to a size 14 (34 inches), now I'm a size 7!! This certainly has helped my self image and I feel a lot better; have more energy! Sugar is not my friend... hahahaha! I still eat it on occasion, I don't completely deprive myself of sweets, however, I don' t have cravings for it often and I eat them in moderation. If you get a chance read the book "Sugar Busters!", it'll give you a whole new perspective on the effects of sugar and carbs.

23April2000 - Well I've now had 6 surgeries within 3-years and I believe I'm done!  What an arduous journey this has been.  This last surgery was for Incision Hernia; weakness of facial tissues as a result of same incisions from previous surgeries.

As if the surgeries wasn't bad enough, the side-effects of Lupron (Syndrome X); hypothyroid, diabetes, Thyroiditis, IBS, chronic fatigue, poor concentration and poor memory, has been quite a battle.  

1June2000 - Released from ER after a 7.5 hour stay, apparently a cyst ruptured...what a painful experience. One more time, I was in ER because I could not walk. However, this time, I could not even pull my car into the drive way. It was as if I was being stabbed with a hot knife every time I moved. Polycystic Ovaries is the culprit. Doctor suggested having ovaries removed, however, I cannot endure another surgery at this point, so have opted to Band-Aid it with continuous birth controls. Hopefully, when I get in with a Endocrinologist they will have better options.

24August2000 Well I had hoped my medical journey was over and I could start living. Unfortunately this is not so, I will know more in a couple of weeks what is going on. Currently I am in constant pain in lower back, very much like the cramps I had with adenomyosis. This pain often radiates up my back as it worsens and with stress the pain radiates down my legs; rubber legs with pain. So far the doctor and I are speculating reoccurrence of endometriosis or possibly ovarian cysts.

24September2000 This battle never seems to end! 6 surgeries later, now I've come to find that the pain I've been coping with the last few months, is due to scar tissues and adhesions due to the surgeries and reoccurrence of endometriosis. The risk of going in for surgery again, is that the scar tissues will reoccur. It truly is living a day at a time. With the increasing medical bills from many surgeries and coping with pain on a daily basis, there are some days I really want to give up. However, one thing that has really helped me is having this site and hearing from other women and being able to offer support to them, as well as, getting support back.

14November2000  My options today are to have my ovaries removed, but first having eggs preserved, so I can later have my own kids or to continue hormone treatments until I can no longer take the pain. Right now, I'm opting for treatment until the pain completely restricts me from functioning in my life. One day at a time!

3January2001  I have a new surgery date; 6January2001 I will be going through yet another laporoscopy to remove scar tissues and possible reoccurrence of endometriosis.  As usual I hope this will be the last surgery, however history has proven that hope to be disappointing.  I will keep faith.  This disease has been an extreme hardship in all areas of my life.  I've tried other methods from Western to Eastern medicine to no avail.  So once again I cannot avoid the pain anymore and have to go the only logical route.  I have good faith that something good will come out of all this!  With my close friends and Higher Power on my side I know all will be well :o)

12January2001  Well I was suppose to have my surgery today, but a couple days ago the nurse called to inform me that the laporoscopy nurse just told her that she would not be in on Friday.  I reviewed in my mind some things that the doctor discussed with my fiancée and I and realized that he did me a favor.  Here are two other red flags that brought me to the decision that I need to find a new surgeon/doctor:  A.  Said the pelvic pain could be in a woman's head (now after 5 laps, with diagnosis of endometriosis, this comment is way out of line!!)  B.  He said laporoscopy would not cause scar tissues (hmm, so I suppose that the scar tissue previously found and what my last two doctor's main concern about going in again was the regrowth of scar tissue, is in their heads?!!).  So here I go on a quest again, for a new doc.  I have a few in mind to check out which I've gotten good references for; Dr. Hal Danzer and Dr. Oleg Bess, both in Beverly Hills, CA.  So this will be continued. 

16February2001  I had surgery today, laser laporoscopy, with Dr. Oleg Bess.  Only a few lesions were found, mostly adhesions.  I will share more when I get more information.

4March2001  Couple days ago I had post-op.  The prognosis is not great.    Although the surgery and pathology reports found no endometriosis.  I've been in extreme pain all week.  The doctor is baffled, as I am!  I have three options: 1) Depo-Provera, it's possible there is endometriosis within my lower muscular walls. 2) Resection of the bowels, there is much adhesions on my bowels, but it's so close the risk is that they may puncture my bowels, this is a risk I'm not willing to take.  3) Remove my ovaries, at 30 years old, I'm not ready or prepared to go through menopause.  At this time, I've chosen to take Depo-Provera. I'm hoping something less invasive will cure whatever problem I have is.  Only time will tell. 

3June2001 As of this date, my pain has been pretty well moderated by a new Morphine-Sulfate time released drug; Kadian. This pain killer allows me to function without the grogginess that most narcotic based pain killers cause. I have opt to try a combination of Eastern and Western medicine to curtail my current health issues. I see a chiropractor once a week and spend a day in the pain clinic; acupuncture, healing touch, psychotherapy, physical therapy, biofeedback and yoga.

Without painkillers I'm left in chronic and often debilitation pain, there have been days that I have been stuck at the office late, because the pain was so bad I couldn't even drive home. With the Kadian keeping my pain level at a moderate level, the idea at the pain clinic is to relax my body enough to allow the acupuncture to work, to help my body fight the disease itself. I also take a high multivitamin/mineral, drink a lot of Green Tea, eat healthy (most of the time..hehe) and take 3,000 mgs of MSM daily to aid in helping keeping my body fit to fight the disease. I've pretty much release all stressors in my life, as my time and energy is too precious to be wasted on petty bullshit and/or with people who just want to "take" my energy. As a result of all this changes and footwork, I'm finding much peace in my life. I refuse to let this disease take me down. And I hang on to the hope and faith that I will be pain and disease free one day....soon!!!

I still pray daily, for God's courage, strength and direction. My faith may falter at times, but I have greater hope today. There has been some really awesome things happening in my life as a result of doing the footwork and having strong faith.

I encourage all women and women with this or any ailments to persevere in their search for a better option. Don't ever give up. Doctors are not Gods and do not always have the answers, even if they would like to think they do. We are responsible for our own happiness and the care of our health.

05September2001 This is my first day in 10 days, that my pain level has not risen above my "1" on a pain scale of 1 thru 5. My average pain level is about 2/3 on a good day. I contribute this to "Healing Touch". There are many names for what I call "Energy Healing"; "Reiki", "Healing Touch", etc. It is a spiritual healing; using the bodies incredible energies to heal thyself. I had not practice this in a very long time, due to my illness. But the other night my pain had gotten to me, I couldn't sleep yet another night, because of the extreme pain and discomfort, so I decided to do a little meditative - energy healing. I've always known that I have this gift, but put it aside when I began to get sicker and sicker. My process is:

Laying down, I close my eyes and envision myself wrapped in a warm-white-healing light, as I breathe in the "white light" and exhale negative energies trapped in my bodies. In the process of inhaling the healing light, I also inhale it deep into my body, feeling it flow from my head to my toes. Then I take my left hand grazing over the areas of discomfort and visualize, as well as, feel my hand trap the negative energies - disease - blockage, being pulled out by my hand and flowing from the left hand to the right hand, which is facing down, grounding this negative energy back into Mother-Earth to be transformed back to positive energy. Or, I use both hands to pull out the negative energies from the areas of pain and discomfort and throwing the negative energies back into Mother Earth.

I don't know how this may sound to the logical-scientific person, but when I did this, the next morning, being this morning, I was able jump out of bed without rolling myself slowly on the side to get up, because the pain of moving was so unbearable.

The body is an amazing thing! We have to remember it is important to have balance; mind, body and soul. Part of the healing process is not only the physical healing, but one of the mind and spirit. It's all intermingled. If one is off, it will manifest in another form; emotionally repressed feelings can and do manifest in physical ways, and if not properly healed, will eventually lead us to a spiritual malady. I don't know if this way can "cure" me, but I do know that it helps and allows me to also live a more peaceful life, whatever this disease takes me.

08April2002 I'm sorry I haven't updated sooner, I haven't been well. Another relationship ended because he couldn't deal with the health issues. All I asked for was an occasional ear to bend, when I got frustrated and a big warm hug. He wasn't capable of giving me comfort when it was obvious that I was hurting, nor did he want to hear about how bad I felt. He believed that I should just be in constant acceptance and completely okay with being in chronic pain! And he couldn't understand that functioning on a day to day basis with chronic pain is extremely exhausting!!

I don't think love, comfort and compassion is much to ask for, from your partner. Is it???!! I don't think so! I have to remember, passion and compassion, is not something everyone has, and it's not something that can be taught! You either have it or you don't! I know there are good men and women out there, who are compassionate, caring, tolerant, patient and loving. Recently I spoke with a new friend about my condition, he replied "I know what you need", of course I asked "what?" he replied, "Love and patience", you know, he's right. Now it's my part to allow myself to be loved. Just because we have an illness, does not make us unlovable. In fact, it makes us some pretty amazingly strong and very compassionate people! It's up to me to not let this last experience, set me back nor cause me to close my heart forever. I blaze through my life and I do it pretty well, considering this health hindrance! I still run a company, help my friends out when I can, participate in service work, and have tons of fun every opportunity I get!!

They say every relationship, every person we run across in our lives, is to teach us some kind of lesson. I've actually learned a lot from my last relationship, so in the long run my ex has only prepared me to be a better person and a better friend/partner. His lost is my gain! hehehe!

I do have other health issues to address, like the nodules in my thyroid, has grown from .8 cmm a year ago to now being 2 cmm. I'm waiting to get a biopsy.. I gotta tell you though, I"m tired of feeling like a lab rat! It's frustrating to continually have to run to the doctors. However, I'm not gonna give up! I will get better! And it's so important to believe this! Mind, body and soul... I'm doing my best to have balance in my life so I have work, play and meditation time. These are essential for sanity.

17May2002 Well to top everything off, now I have a slip disk... I just gotta laugh at myself, because I know it's my own stubborn doing! Currently, I'm trying out some new herbs to help my immune system. An acquaintance of mine turned me on to this company who produces herbal remedies. He "had" Hep-C, which is now completely gone!!, after he took LiverCare from this company; HimalayaUSA.com. I'm done with Western medicine, so now I'm going back to my Chinese roots and doing what's been done for many many centuries with great success. I am trying to GlucoCare, in hopes I can get rid of the Glucophage my doctor has me on for PCOS and hypoglycemia, which at the same time, is killing my live. I'm also taking the LiverCare, to reverse the damages the Glucophage has caused. And I'm also taking ImmunoCare, to help boost my immune system back to normal and fight off the toxins all these meds have caused. I'll keep you all posted.

7October2002 On July 18th, I started having this slurring and swallowing problem. On Aug. 22nd, not only was my slurring out of control, I also lost control of the muscles in my right eyelid for a few minutes, once that happened I got a hold of a neurologist and scheduled test. On Sept. 30, 2002 the MRI came out find, however, my blood work returned positive for Myasthenia Gravis. MG is a rare neuromuscular - autoimmune disease. However, not to rare, that there isn't a treatment. There are a few options for this disease; medications and/or surgery (Thymectomy). Right now I'm on Mestinon and am waiting for my CAT Scan (looking for tumors) results before making the decision to have another surgery, although my doctor is pushing a thymectomy, in hopes it'll put the disease in remission for a few more years. The mestinon is working reasonably well, it hasn't completely relieved me of all the symptoms, but it has reduced them considerably.

MG is another disease which there is no definitive cure. However, it's not a "women's disease" so they are doing research and trying to find out what causes it and how to cure it. So hopefully that cure will come soon. Although, the treatments they do have available, will allow me to live a normal life, I just have to take good care of my health and stay away from certain triggers of this disease, one huge trigger is "Stress"!!

Any autoimmune disease and chronic illness can be worsen by stress. Also, hanging on to anger, emotional traumas, etc. I'm working on releasing past traumas and am determined to be healthy again! I'm not responsible for my disease, however I am responsible for my own treatment options & recovery. I refuse to let these illness prevent me from living! We're all responsible for own happiness! We could be busy living or busy dying... and since I have to be here, I'm gonna get busy living!

12Feb.2003 I've had a successful Thymectomy for this disease. I will elaborate on that when I get some time and feel a bit healthier, as well as provide further information & resources for Myasthenia.

For those who check on me regularly, Thank you for your prayers, emails & continued support! It has really helped me get through much of this insanity!

Prayer and meditation, does a body good, giving the body time to rest and heal and thy soul time to get centered and grounded. I put one foot in front of the other and refuse to give up! I know Goddess isn't giving up on me and I have a few amazing friends and extraordinary parents, who will help me get up when I fall and I have a whole lotta faith.
Goddess Bless all my Endo-Sisters and our loved ones who are patient, kind, compassionate, comforting and loving with us. ~Blessed Be

I leave you with one of my favorite Prayers:

May the road rise up to meet you,
May the Wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
And the rains fall soft upon your fields.

And until we meet again my friend,
May God hold you
in the palm of His hand.
~An Old Irish Blessing

If there are other options, there is always hope. Believe you'll be well and always have faith, manifest what you want in your life! Goddess always has a better plan!
~Blessed Be

Merry Meet, Merry Part, Merry Meet Again!

I will continue updating my site page with new and updated information as I find them, in hope that more awareness and a cure will be found soon! Come back to check up on me or see new updates. :o)